what do you deserve?

What do you deserve? I guess that depends on you! Your desires, your needs, what your willing to sacrifice....so many things depend on this.

I know the basics of which we all deserve shelter, food, love ....hope. I have given up hope throughout my life. I am not always the confident can do anything girl. I have had very dark times where I debated on whether or not to give in to that darkness. But Im too stubborn to let anything beat me!

I struggle everyday! I may not show it, but I do. I am my own worst enemy at times. I purposely push things that could potentially be great for me because they can also potentially devastate me. At times I have low self esteem due to years of abuse, but walk with my head up, smile on my face and eye contact to everyone I pass. Strangers will never know by looking at me that I have a weak side.

I am perceived to be a bitch sometimes, I don't mind! Bitch is a power word to me!
In reality I am such a giving person. I care for others before myself. I would help anyone in need even if it means going without. Im a survivor and some aren't so I don't mind going without because I will figure out how to get it when I need it!

I have decided though that I don't want to just survive! I want to live! I have never been on a plane or even a real vacation! WTF! I have been a mom since I was 18. That's been my life! Surviving things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (most days I wouldn't wish it, I am human). But I deserve to LIVE!

So this is where I am at....what do I deserve?? I DESERVE TO LIVE!

I decided to start by living pain free. to expand my life in an upright walking position. I am going to take that vacation this year with my longtime friend. I am going to follow my passion...wherever it may go. I am not just going to survive...I WILL LIVE!!! Not like I am dying but as I have just awaken!

1/29/15

Good morning! Just finished a double shift, took my son to school and now playing with my grand daughter. We enjoyed a tropical strawberry Shakeology and a gluten free waffle. Haven't decided if its an Insanity day or Piyo day yet. All I know is I am so excited for the 21 Day Fix Extreme to be released February 2!!

I have the day off, but does not mean I get to relax! Being a single mom with no financial or physical help never leaves a break. I have learned to thrive in chaos. Quiet makes me uncomfortable now. lol
I am however planning a night away to Atlantic City soon. I totally deserve that! 

I am trying very hard to build my Beach Body business. It is hard in this particular area, especially during these cold months. I am faithful in my attempts, my belief in others to want the best for themselves and in my company!

The 21 day fix was my life changer! I had been in pain for over 6 years. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, spinal stenosis, exposed nerves in my upper extremities and arthritis in my spine/hip joints that were actually fusing themselves together. There were days I would cry in pain and the fact that I was in my 30s feeling like I was 80. Not a good feeling! I refused the injections into my spine. I did not take narcotic medications. Stubborn...maybe but giving in was never my thing! I used hot baths, massage and heating pad to try and relieve the pain temporarily so I could get through my days.

It got to the point this fall that I was starting to worry how much longer I would be able to work. Would I be in a wheelchair soon like my mother? Who would take care of my kids? They have no one but me.

I began a clean eating routine in the spring of 2014 which allowed me to not only lose 10 pounds in 6 weeks but learn to be aware of the foods I was eating, why I was eating them and what they actually did for my body. I still had pain. One of my best friends started doing beachbody and suggested I try it too. Of course I was hesitant and made excuses. It costs too much, my back will not handle it, I don't have time...etc. But I trust her so I joined.

I began the 21 Day Fix in October 2014. The first week was hard as all hell!! I could hardly get up and down the stairs, IT WAS AWFUL! By day 6 the soreness started to subside. It wasn't pain like I had for years. It was my muscles I haven't used in God knows how long waking up! My body was coming to life!

So..I lost 9 pound in those 21 days but what was so amazing is that within my second week of the 21 Day Fix I realized I was no longer sitting on my heating pad everyday! I had forgotten that I even had the pain in my back that was once almost unbearable to my body and my mind. I finally regained my life back!

 This changed my life!! Im not scared of my body anymore. I may not be the typical success story of losing 150 pounds but in the end it is the same goal...TO RECLAIM YOUR BODY AND YOUR LIFE! We all share this goal in one way or another.

Now that I have done this I am a BeachBody coach myself. I want others to find what I found and begin enjoying their bodies and their lives. Finding confidence in themselves with support of myself and others who fight the same battles everyday while remaining human.

Each day is new and that is a gift. Forgive yourself often and try again. That's what these days are for. We will never be perfect but we can be our best. With trial and error and patience in ourselves  we can do just that!

Introducing..ME!

So here I am. I have written a few logs before on various things in my life for the simple fact I love to write. But this time I am here purposely. I have begun and continue on a new journey in my life each day I wake up. I am a nurse but now I am also a BeachBody coach. How did that happen?? lol  Life and all its greatness and bullshit is how. Our roads may all go in different directions, cross paths at unexpected times enduring good and bad but I think we all have the same needs, wants and goals in the end.

I could start this blog from day one of my life with the true story of my abusive biological father pointing a shotgun to my newborn head threatening my then 16 year old mother in order to keep her or I could go on about my teenage years of being poor (church pantry for food poor) and feeling bad about myself because my biological father signed me away when I was a baby or I could tell you about my group home experiences, homeless shelters or domestic violence BUT we have plenty of time for my traumatic experiences. Id rather start with where I am right now....today!

I am 38. A singe mother of 3. I have a granddaughter...yes I am a grandmother(nanny to be exact).
I am a pediatric LPN fully employed with a great kid and his family. I am an Independent BeachBody coach. I have friends. I am not homeless. I once suffered from daily pain from Fibromyalgia, spinal stenosis and arthritis but DO NOT any longer. I have a new awareness of  foods I put into my body and have lost 21 pounds this year. Those things sound so much better to speak of, don't they?

I will TRY to make my blogs about where I am not only where I have been. I am human, however so I cant promise I wont have cranky woes me days!  We can not get the positives without having been through something negative.

I will not drag on in this first blog but I will say that I am finding happiness, health and financial freedom in ways I didn't even think to try. I have forgiven myself of my faults, mistakes and failures. I am learning each day to believe n myself as I do in others. I hope you not only follow me on my journey but become part of it and realize the amazement in your own!